The real question is why?

Why would anybody in his right mind want to shlep this beloved elderly relic along for a weekend of swimming and fishing, since she neither swims nor fishes?

Besides, she gets carsick! Miraculously, she’s discovered there’s one blessed seat (next to the driver) and that saves the day.  “Balance,” Grandma scientifically explains the seat’s magical powers, which also include Instant Omnipotence, full Domination of the driver’s ear, and Total Command of the radio!

Grandma’s radio strategy is to listen briefly to current vocalists and their gems that the kids adore, then sniff and offer long eulogies for Frank Sinatra and the Andrews sisters in the days when “singers could really sing.”  Those were the days when “cooks could really cook” and “teachers could really teach!”  Grandma never minces words; she bludgeons.

On the short walk to get to the car, she makes several missteps and wavers erratically, then stumbles causing panic. Most savvy people at that point would turn around and unpack, and hunker down in familiar terrain. Would send out for pizza and savor the other comforts and delights of home.

Because to bring her along makes the whole weekend a cliffhanger.  Will she shiver all night because she can’t work the air conditioner?  Or roast all night because she can’t work the air conditioner?  How come the shower wouldn’t turn on?  Why is the reading-lamp bulb only10 watts?

Oh no!  She lacksa vital medication!  Who can blame her?  Her essential number of eye drops, medicines, creams and sleeping tablets is truly awesome.  What will she do?  Well, somehow she’ll manage.

Thus, the family sets out intrepidly.  That is what good  people do.  They’re the ones who take Grandma along.

Will their spirits prevail?  Will they make it to the salubrious lake in the piney woods where the fish frolic?  Sure.  Will Grandma enjoy herself? You bet.  Will she complain? You bet.

But she will do her part admirably.  She will mourn each humungous fish that gets away; she will savor the paltry bony minnows they hook and offer excessive praise as to their delicacy.  She will press the wildflower bouquet her grandchildren pick and savor the few plump blueberries they find.  She will treasure the interesting, striated heavy rock as a paperweight forever, to remind her of this special weekend.  She will do all this and she truly hopes to be invited again next year when she might even want to learn how to fish!