Today I Had An Epiphany!

Since I’d already passed my 86th birthday and no supernatural marvel had ever occurred to me personally, I did not, of course, anticipate or expect one. In fact, I absolutely and resolutely could not believe what happened and I was so shaken up, I accidentally swallowed my fresh piece of Juicy Fruit chewing gum. 

A glass of cold seltzer, a chunk of salami, and a few minutes respite on a hard kitchen chair restored me (salami is a miraculous East European medical restorative), though I still find the whole miracle quite difficult to believe.

Frankly, I had dismissed miraculous possibilities decades earlier when I longed fiercely to be a platinum blonde and nothing happened to my muddy-colored, gray hair. PLATINUM BLONDE ME would have been a noteworthy miracle.  But apparently it is not commonly bestowed on elderly Jewish women.  The beauty parlors, however, do a commendable job if one is willing to spend the time and money – which, of course, I am not.

 I solemnly swear the following happened.  And the supernatural or extra terrestrial – or whatever – is out there and had a hand or two hands or even a foot in it.

Let me tell it exactly as it  happened.

 I was about to check my email.  Alas, Firefox was not to be found on my screen.  This has happened to me often before, and I immediately panic and phone a grandchild for help.  But it was 6:00 AM on Sunday morning!  One has no phonable relatives at that hour.  

Tentatively, I tapped several keys on the computer lightly, pretending I wasn’t touching them.  I prayed.  I shut the machine down and started it up fresh.  No Firefox.

I was close to weeping.  Here was this mechanical behemoth on my desk and out of reach.  I know how bad I am with machines.  (I once tried to learn to drive, but after three lessons the teacher refused to go on.  I was a menace, he said, and should be barred from the roads.)  So I am NOT a machine-friendly person. 

I paced.   I willed the phone to ring.  It didn’t.  My beautiful Sunday morning with its immortal prose possibilities was disappearing.  I made myself sit at the computer and prayerfully tapped some innocuous keys. 

Happily, I came upon a key with the legend RECENTLY USED.  We had not been formally introduced, but I boldly took liberties. I tapped it respectfully and – I GOT FIREFOX!  I immediately rose, bowed my head, and spent minutes in reverent silence.

So here I am now, sitting on my kitchen chair once again, celebrating with another glass of seltzer, which I sinfully diluted with a spoonful of Hershey chocolate syrup. After all, proper ceremonial attention must be devoted to sacred libations.

 “L’chaim!”

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About blogginggrandma

I'm 86. Legally blind. But a force to be reckoned with!
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One Response to Today I Had An Epiphany!

  1. mgershun says:

    And you thought there was no God!

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